The Distance

I live in a world that is so alien to who I am now. I gave my life to Christ three years ago this month. Since that time God has done amazing things in my life. The world that I live in now is no different than the one I lived in three years ago, so why then do I see it as alien. It's because it is me that is different. I know that I'm different but I didn't realize how much or to what extent.

I was talking with a good friend the other day and he was telling me a story about a co-worker. He began the story by telling me that this guy was the exact opposite of me. I was interested in knowing what his opinion of "the exact opposite of me" was, so I listened as he told me of a guy who was very intimidating, confrontational and always getting into some kind of fight. The rest of the story is not important to my point. What is important is that my friend, who only knows me since my salvation, sees me as the exact opposite of this other guy. What he didn't know was that ten years ago I was that other guy! It was such an eye opener to me. I had despised that side of me and one of the things that I always ask God to do for me, is to give me patience and make me a kinder person. To have someone whom I respect tell me that those prayers have been answered, at least in some way, humbled me. Thank you Barry!

The point of all this is that I have been feeling a distance in my relationship with God. They say that all Christ followers go through this and indeed I have before but not like recently. I have had a lot of things to deal with lately and even though I have been praying daily I haven't felt God's presence. This is a very uncomfortable feeling. I need God in my life every moment of every day. I'm kind of selfish like that. I began to question God's existence in my life; is he really there? Not is he literally there, I know that he is but is he there for me? Is he listening to me? The conversation with my friend was the first situation that started my journey back home. I realized that God has been working every day in my life. Then a few other prayers answered began to draw me nearer. Saturday morning as I rode along listening to some worship music, I was praising God for the things he has done for me and I was asking for his forgiveness for my shortcomings when he laid this on me:

Why O' God
Do you place me at a distance
Alone in this sea
Of wretched existence
The enemy speaks
His voice is so loud
But your voice is quiet
It's slowly drowned out
My life is a mess
It's out of control
The storms just keep coming
They're taking their toll
The waves are crashing
The wind is at full gale
I need you O' Lord
If I am to prevail
These storms are my burden
They're my cross to bear
But without you God
I haven't a prayer
I humble myself
And fall on my face
I ask for your mercy
And pray for your grace
This distance you've placed me
Is by your design
A faith building exercise
Your glory defined
I'm back in the harbor
Safe and secure
I welcome the next storm
To boldly endure
And when I feel a distance
I'll no longer fear
For I'll know that it's my God
Drawing me near

I am not a poet and believe me as the words of this poem flooded my mind, I was yet again humbled. God is always, ALWAYS there! My life has changed because I asked God to change it. The changes are gradual and not self evident but they are real and others have noticed. The distance is a circumstance initiated by us. Disobedience in any form is a pre-cursor to this circumstance. When God places us at a distance, it is always a faith building exercise that strengthens us in the end. Keep praying and obeying and you will make it through the storm. Don’t fear The Distance!